Memories best left Forgotten
by BlackFlameRose
Summary: Sora is gone off somewhere, and the island was restored. Riku and Kairi live there together with everyone else. Everyone just knows that they disappeared for a year,nothing else. [Alternate Ending] This will include some Angst. SoraxRiku


**Fandom: Kingdom Hearts [1**

**Summary:** Sora is gone off somewhere, and the island was restored. Riku and Kairi live there together with everyone else. No one else knows anything about their adventure, just that they disappeared for a year. [Alternate Ending This will include some Anxt and SoraxRiku.

**Disclaimer:** If I owned Kingdom Hearts it wouldn't be nearly as popular..i don't own it ...

**A/N**: Yah, you think this is completely awesomely happy. Well Look Out! Woho for anxt. Oops, you're not supposed to know that. damn, I put it in the summary. If you're wondering the way the scenes work and it's confusing to you, tell me and I'll change it for you

_"I love you Riku; That's why I want you to have this" He backed up_

_"So..sora"_

_"I'm sorry i can't be there. Take care of her"_

Riku spoke to Kairi, a gentle smile on his face "I already told you, he's off on some planet saving yet another world." He was looking out to the stars. To the last place he had seen. His eyes averted to the ground "He's got me beaten." His voice wavered. No, he couldn't say anything "Even I'm not that cool" He laughed again, bringing back his calm composure.

She stared at him, recognizing the feelings seeping out "Hey, I can see it in your eyes. You're sad cause you miss him too! You shouldn't try cheer me up if you can't even convince yourself" she hummed softly.

He couldn't help that pained look, sadness flowing through him. What could he say? Of course he missed him, more than Kairi could understand right now. He felt that gentle aching in his chest that threatened to suffocate him. If only.

"Riku! Kairi! it's getting late" Selphie approached them "Your parents wanted me to tell you that they were having a barbeque and they wanted you home early" She had gone to their island specifically for this purpose.

Kairi popped up and brushed herself off. She'd forgotten "Woops. Come on Riku" She extended a hand to Riku, that soft smile much more of a comfort to him then she realized.

Riku looked up and taking the hand gently, thankful for what he had "Thanks" He said as they raced off to the dock, Riku obviously faster.

That night Riku sat in bed, not being able to sleep, thinking over the last time he remembered seeing Sora, how much he missed him. He wanted to rip up the room. Everything he'd give at that moment to see Sora, there in front of him. The gates to Destiny Island were closed and nothing could open them. The only reason they were there in the first place, the reason for all of this is when he wished, so long ago, that he could leave this place. For an adventure. It wasn't worth it.

For some reason his memory was lagging. He couldn't remember it clearly anymore, but he remembered what was important. He had to take care of Kairi no matter what happened.

_"I have the strongest heart"_

_"I can beat you, Sora!"_

_"Wait...Riku, it's me. I think I understand now"_

_"There's nothing you need to understand"_

They were at the island again. Somehow they were still small enough to go to their secret place. "Hey Kairi, remember this" They had so many drawings with Sora. It was really a place of memory. He hadn't yet told anyone about the ones that were fading. This was his place to treasure Sora.

Kairi looked down "I wish we had Sora here with us"

Riku shifted his gaze over to her and smiled, a real, honest, happy smile. The more time that passed the more his memory faded. "Aww, come on. you have me don't you? Sora's not the only friend you have"

She looked at him "I'm glad Riku. Your smile use to always seem so lonely when we talked about him, like you missed him a bunch more than I did" Worry echoed in her voice, and she couldn't help but thinking something else was going on in Riku. "But now you're better. You only look sad sometimes"

"Oh, come on. You're making me sound like I was in love with him or something" The thought annoyed him. He wasn't sure; was blinded by jealousy and loneliness. Now he knew what his feelings had been for Sora. Then why couldn't he remember the last time they were together clearly? But it was okay because he knew Sora wanted him to take care of Kairi. It was only a small flicker of emotion for him, since all seemed well. He gave Kairi the best smile he could.

_"Riku! Why, why are you siding with the heartless?"_

_"I need to save Kairi! She needs it! Why aren't you helping?"_

_"People deserve to keep their hearts; Even puppets. Why can't you understand that? One heart's value is equal to just one other. Just because a heart is weaker than another's it doesn't mean that it's okay to take a lot of them"_

_"What do you know?"_

"Riku, you've been having a lot of weird dreams recently haven't you? Your mom told me she was worried because when you woke up you seemed panicky" Worry was all over Kairi as she sat on Riku's bed.

He looked through his stuff. "Yah, but I only remember them when I wake up. They seem so important." He squinted as though hunting for a lost thought. "Like fading memories, but as soon as I calm down they're gone again"

"Hey, what's this?" She stared at a small box. It was made of the best material on the outside and it was too tight for even a bit of air to get in. There was a tight lock that seemed invincible.

Riku turned to look at what she had brought out "Sora gave me that before he left. I always keep it nearby. I also bring it when we go to the island together." He seiced his hunting as though this would do "I'm surprised you didn't notice it before"

She poked at the lock "Hey, how come you never told me about it? What's inside Riku?" Her legs hung over the bed's edge.

He stared at the box. The sadness was obvious in his eyes "I, I don't remember"

"What do you mean you don't remember? I thought it would be really important to you" She seemed almost insulted, for Sora's sake more than anything.

"If it wasn't then why would I carry it around everywhere" His bitter words came out too franticly. He could tell it scared her but he didn't care. He sat next to her, burying his face in his hands. Why the hell couldn't he remember? He was starting to crack.

_"Come on Sora? You too chicken?"_

_"Riku, I'm being serious"_

_"I don't care what you say. I won't back down"_

"What's wrong with me? I'm trying so hard but I can't remember" His words were demanding, but who'd he expect an answer from; Himself? It was too much.

"Why did you forget?"

He looked at Kairi, sighing heavily as he continued to pace "I don't know. It's almost like before I was trying to forget that he was gone so I . . . I forgot too much"

"Well, we know Sora. He'll come back when he gets a chance, right?" Her words were so soothing. Having him back; what a dream.

"I don't know anymore. I feel like my memories have just become dreams. Like nothing is real, and as soon as I realize the truth, all the lies will disappear, and everything will go wrong." He held his head as though somehow it would help. It didn't "But I NEED to remember"

"Riku" She gave a worried look and then kissed him "I'm real. Why are the memories of Sora more important than I am when I'm right here?"

He stared at her and then gave her a sad, guilty look "I'm sorry. I didn't even realize it then. I can't stop thinking about him, never could. I, I love him, more than anyone and however much you want it to change, it can't" He avoided her gaze knowing full well she disapproved. She'd also liked him but not like Riku.

She stood there with her mouth wide open in surprise. How did she not realize it? When she teased Riku about not getting over Sora because he was in love, she didn't think it was true. She regretted it but what could she do?

That night he had the worst dream. He slept with his eyes open. It took forever for him to fall asleep. The nights where getting longer and longer, or at least it seemed like it because of the little sleep he was getting. He slept like a corpse. Each of these dreams repeated themselves several times before his memory wiped those parts clean.

A small brown box. He had it with him. It was the only other thing Sora was giving him_ "Kairi gave this to me the first time we met. It didn't mean much to her then, but when I went to save her i thought...it used to be really important to me but..." _He smiled, dropping the box and then he ...

He woke up screaming, crying. Just like that, it was all gone. The mirror was only blocking the truth behind and now, it was shattered. The mirror only showed good illusions, other planets, and happy thoughts of Sora coming back. Now he knew everything. Now he knew why he had forgotten the first time.

His parents tried to calm him down but nothing that they did got to him. For a couple days he didn't do anything but sit there, except when he had panic attacks. Kairi came and was horrified at the way he was. It scared her the way he rocked back and forth, always staring at that box right in front of him, sobbing his eyes out.

When she said anything he stopped rocking for a second and then stared her in the eyes, his looking blood-shot and hateful. She was the only one that could make him react. He wouldn't eat anything except if she was there and he just stared at her in that creepy way.

She tried to take the box away one time. Maybe Riku would go back to normal, but he wouldn't let it get more than a foot away from him.

She thought going to the island and getting things that they use to share would help Riku but half-way to the play-island she stopped rowing

Selphie looked at her fall forward "Kairi!" She turned her over and screamed. Her eyes were dilated and her heart had stopped beating, but as soon as Selphie rowed back a couple feet, toward the main island Kairi's heart started beating and she softly said "Sooraa" But she didn't move other than that.

By the time they were back at the island Kairi was fine, but Selphie was freaked out.

"How is he?" Kairi stood outside Riku's room.

"I think you should go see him" Said his mom, obviously very worn from the. . .horror of her son's . . . condition?

Kairi walked into Riku's room and looked at him. He was crying and holding the box. It'd been days that he'd stopped crying. Whatever had happened, it had triggered something. "Riku?"

There was no reply other than a continued sobbing.

"What happened?" She approached cautiously, trying not to upset him further.

He actually spoke. And when he finally calmed down and ate he seemed emotional instead of soul-less. "It stopped." The words were finally said "For 10 minute it stopped. I...I couldn't hear it. It's not true, it can't be" He started shaking.

"What stopped? What happened Riku?"

"It's my fault, all my fault. I should have never...I just couldn't ..." He had to swallow a clump in his through, having trouble talking "oh god" He was crying again.

"Riku, tell me what happened, for real"

He grabbed the small box and handed it to her. "You feel it too, don't you?"

The touch made her feel alive and refreshed. Then she felt what he was talking about. She barely realized it at first. A soft pulse. Seemed like music vibrations, but then it followed a specific pattern "b-bmp, b-bmp, b-bmp" ...It sounded like...a heartbeat.

She put it to her heart and the pulse got louder. Not only that but she realized another thing. The pulse matched her own. "What is it?" She looked scared. What could this have to do with her?

Riku let go of it completely for the first time, a sobbing mess "I couldn't let him go. I couldn't stand being away from him. I couldn't stand him being without me, but I still shoved him away. It's my fault Kairi. It died, but now it's back. I don't understand"

She thought about where she was going. When she went away to the island she died for a little bit. She couldn't remember it, but she knew what Selphie had told her. She had died and so had it. Was it her heart? She didn't understand

"Come on Sora? You too chicken?" He raised his sword and smiled playfully. His cool was only partially there. Secretly, he was a mess. Maleficent had been telling him what to do and how to feel. Just to let go of the pain, if only he let her control him, to save Kairi, it would all be okay.

"Riku, I'm being serious" Sora didn't even summon the keyblade. He had no intension of fighting Riku. This was his friend. More than that.

"I don't care what you say. I won't back down" Now he was angry. Why wouldn't Sora fight him? Friendship? He was too busy with his new friends for that. And it hurt. Because he knew that while he was grapping to find a connection back to Sora, Sora was already smiling, laughing. What value did he truly have?

"Riku! Why, why are you siding with the heartless?" He didn't want to fight Riku. He couldn't and wouldn't.

Siding with the heartless. More like siding with the ones that helped with what was truly important "I need to save Kairi! She needs it! Why aren't you helping?" Although it was helpful for Kairi he also got them because it passed time, when his mind wasn't just on Sora.

"People deserve to keep their hearts. Even puppets. Why can't you understand that? One heart's value is equal to just one other. Just because a heart is weaker than another's it doesn't mean that it's okay to take a lot of them" It wasn't fair to play god with people's lives. Who was meant to die would have to, whether people where okay with it or not. Only fate decided that game.

Understand what? That a puppet was more important than them? That everything was for the sake of being right and noble? "What do you know?" He leaped toward him and attacked him, but since Sora didn't even have the keyblade drawn. He couldn't attack him straight out so he had his sword just close enough to slice him whenever he wanted.

"I have the strongest heart" Finally the thoughts came to him. He said the words as though not believing them. Why didn't he realize it before? Everything, it would all be different. Riku wasn't getting it.

"I can beat you, Sora!" Why was Sora saying that? Was he attempting to show off or something? It pissed him off. Did his heart mean that he could love everyone? No, it wasn't love that was directed towards him . . .was it? No, it couldn't be.

"Wait...Riku, it's me. I think I understand now" He was the only one that could do it. He had the key-blade because of his strong heart. He still couldn't believe what he was saying. They were everything and he wanted both Kairi and Riku to make it no matter what

"There's nothing you need to understand" He was saying things that Riku couldn't translate. It was confusing and frustrating him. Of course it must have been Sora that 'understood'. Was he going to give Riku a monologue about how bad he was? How mistaken and pitiful?

He was the only one with a heart strong enough to save Kairi...He had lied his whole life about this. When Kairi came he tried to treat her the same but he couldn't because everything Riku said meant everything to him. "I love you Riku. that's why, I would only do this for you. I want you to have this" One hand held Riku's sword back and the other grabbed his chest. He gave a sad, lonely smile, avoiding Riku's gaze. He wanted what Riku wanted. If Riku had it he could save Kairi, and that's all he really seemed to want right now. He tried to make the smile look happy but it seemed broken. He reached into his chest and whispered "It'll save Kairi"

"So..sora" What was he doing? The way Sora reacted scared him. Love? But what about everything that he had seen? The dark thoughts started churning around in him 'He's lying. He'll hurt you again'

"I'm sorry i can't be there. Take care of her" he dug his fingers deep into his chest and he finally pulled it out. A red heart, beating even out of his own body. It made no sense. Why did Sora? What about the three of them together? Playing god with who died? Sora decided to play god too, except he sacrificed himself for it. It wasn't fair. IT WASN'T FAIR! How could he let this happen. It was Sora for god's sake.

A small brown box. Sora had it with him. It was the only other thing he was giving him "Kairi gave this to me the first time we met. It didn't mean much to her then, but when I went to save her i thought...it use to be really important to me but..." He smiled, dropping the box and then he fell onto Riku, who had dropped his sword, eyes becoming overcome by then the emotions stopped right there as his body dropped to the ground.

Riku held the beating heart, in shock. Kairi was saved, but he also wanted to be with Sora, no matter how much the darkness seemed to overcome him, and cloud his mind. The blood, Sora's blood was all over him. He felt it, like a fire threatening to burn him out of existence, screaming out in pain as he dropped to his knees, holding Sora's bloody corpse, his eyes still wide. Everything was going dark and he felt he wasn't the only one screaming in the room but his senses were too detached. Sora's face was engraved in his memory. He vaguely remembered throwing up somewhere between the rest of his senses leaving him and then looking over Sora again much later. He hadn't moved but his mind had shut down, unable to comprehend it without major time.

He put the heart in the box and locked it as soon as he had halfway come to his senses. He couldn't look at it, and he closed Sora's eyes, putting him in the most peaceful way.

Sora was dead and nothing could change that. He had to do what Sora wanted him to do. He had to save Kairi and now he could. He and Kairi went back to the island together and he said nothing to anyone, keeping blank, so he wouldn't go crazy. As soon as they were back to the island he tried taking care of Kairi, memory disappearing as he became happy again. It could never stay because his obsession and love would always be on Sora. He'd never be able to forget his feelings.

A year later he sat in that mental hospital, shunned by most of society, having admitted what he did. He had killed the only person he ever really loved because of jealousy and revenge and so he stayed here forever. He would get occasional visits from old friends but he was permanently scarred.

But maybe, just maybe, the next time that Kairi came to see him, he would have forgotten everything, maybe he'd have accepted himself, and maybe just maybe, he could remember how to reconnect. Everyone agreed, the memories were best left forgotten.

**A/N: Yup, so crazy amounts of anxt.**This story is a mix of 4 different ones I never wrote up...because I'm lazy...

Edit: Went through and added some detail as well as changed the language style to be more mature. Also added that last bit at the end, for those of us who want to be optimistic. Also added the slashes between memory and present.


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